There are so many things that go through my mind when I hear the word infertility. It’s something that most people don’t talk about because it’s a touchy subject. It’s painful and heartbreaking. It tests relationships and sanity. It makes me so angry. Angry that my body doesn’t do it’s job. Angry that hateful women who hurt their children can have babies but I have the hardest time even getting pregnant, let alone staying pregnant. So many times, my husband and I have sat in bed at night and cried together because another test came back negative. It’s heartbreaking. It’s also hard because you aren’t the only one hurting… your spouse is hurting too. What’s worse is that your spouse is hurting because of something your body can’t do that it should be able to do. It makes you feel broken and defective. I have to take breaks from social media because tons of my friends are becoming parents, and while I’m so happy for them, I’m also incredibly jealous. It kills me to feel that way. Even walking around in stores is hard. I avoid the baby sections like the plague. I’ll see cute pregnant women waddling around in their maternity clothes, and instead of feeling happy for them, I’m filled with jealousy and anger. Infertility consumes you when all you want is to be a parent. It’s ugly, painful, and in all honesty so unfair. No matter how hard you try to make light of the situation, deep down, you’re drowning in emotions.

Thanks for joining me!

Good company in a journey makes the way seem shorter. — Izaak Walton